He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
So many bounce houses so little time
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
