I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
