She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
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