thus making me awesome and them whores
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
