if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Randomize
