Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
