i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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