Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
