i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
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