you guys were way drunker than both of me
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Enjoy the penises
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
