let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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