i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
