obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
where does the pee come out of this thing
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Randomize
