wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize