sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
