I never want to see another naked old woman again.
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
