I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
