I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
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