There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize