omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
