he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Randomize
