When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
you didnt know i had herpes?
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Randomize
