Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
