Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize
