Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
