He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
