She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
