u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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