I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Houston, we have a blender
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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