The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
