I wannas sexs uuuuu
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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