grandma shit on top of the toilet
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
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