best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Randomize
