none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
