I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
