i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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