Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Randomize
