Duck Duck Cougar?
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
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