whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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