Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
the liver wants what the liver wants
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Randomize
