Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
