I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
