woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize