LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize