I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
