is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Randomize