If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Randomize
