He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
