I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
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