so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
