I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
