ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
