Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Randomize
