The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
