get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
