At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
So. Much. Porn.
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