Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
