Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
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