In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Randomize
