nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
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