we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Randomize
