lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Randomize
