Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
