i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
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