Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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