I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
