I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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