so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
