yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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