i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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