i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Randomize
