you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
