Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
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