I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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