by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
