Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
