This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
