call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
