why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
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