Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
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