Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
