his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
