He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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