I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize
