I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
