we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
