His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
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