that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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