Its about making memories worth repressing
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
