my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Randomize
