It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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