I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
