they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
