His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
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