when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Randomize
