ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
