It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
