it's too hot outside to masturbate.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
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