Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
