I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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