It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
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