Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
