forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
