wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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