someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Randomize
