also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
