k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
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