Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize