I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
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