You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
he high fived his dick after we had sex
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
