Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Randomize
