"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
