I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
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