girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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