I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
