I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Randomize
